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tanveer
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Looking back at my schooldays - 2006/05/20 01:58 When I remember my schooldays..i remember one day very clearly...i forgot which class i was in, which year it was in..but I could still feel the emotions...even after about 10-12 years.
There was a new teacher in our class, and she asked us to stand up and say our name one by one...This was the moment i dreaded...oh God, i really hate those new teachers..can't the ones who know me teach? I started practising silectly..knowing still i will fail....then my turn came..I stood up and my throat went dry....i tried to say..but i could not..words just won't come out..I felt like it was the end of the world..as if time stopped..as if all faces were on me..staring at me....waiting..waiting for me to say my name..and i just blocked...and somehow I know i have to say something, so I said 'TR Ali'. 'T' & 'R' are the initial of my first and second name. My classmates started laughiing. My teacher smiled and was confused. I once again tried to say my name..but again ..it blocked. I wish I could disappear from the class with the snap of the fingers..disappear into the dark outer space..close my eyes and float in the black endless space..with the distant stars shining...just me..I just did not want to exist...
......its more than 10-15 years now..but I still can feel that emotion. Its hurts me..somewhere deep inside I get the pain when i think back of my schooldays..pain I know will not go away..no matter how less it gets. It was many of those pains that I get when I think of my school days.

A couple of years back, I met a schoolmate of mine..after 1o yrs. We hugged and started talking back of our schooldays. He remembered the days when a new teacher came and we decided to introduce ourselves with each others names instead of our own for funsake. I still remember how glad I was that I won't be saying my name but my classmate's and he mine. and I was good at it.
He remembered the days when we hid each other's lunch..the days when had our painting classes and when the class ended all our faces were painted like red indians.
He remembered how when the weekly tests results were to be announced, all eyes will be on me and a handful of others knowing it will be one of us among the top 3....he rememebred those school picnic trips..those pranks we played often ending up in the principal's office.

I then wonder, how come I forgot all that. When I think of my schooldays, why did i not remembered those moments..those moments that were treasured by my friend. When I start to think again of my days back in school, those happy memories came back.....many happy memories that I thought there would be.
I always thought when my classmates would remember me or talk about me in years to come, they would talk about the day when I could not say my name and looked like a fool. But now I think they remember me as the guy who joined them in those pranks, the one who beat most of them in the weekly test, the one who used to hide their tiffins, and the one who was 'Tanveer'.

The bad times are so overpowering...they weigh me down..but then I have to agree i have had some good memorable times in my life..and i am sure many are yet to come.
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Keith
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Re:Looking back at my schooldays - 2006/05/22 01:15 Tanveer,

I was very moved reading about your schoolday memories, and the schoolday memories of one of your friends.
If you examine your memories and his memories, it reinforces some of the things we PWSs are told about. To us, Stammering/Stuttering is a really big thing, I suppose mainly because of the negative memories we hold in our brain. (Somehow the negative memories always seem to be more important than the positive memories, just as the media seems to concentrate on the negative rather than the positive). But we find with experience, that if we and a friend are together in a speaking situation, whereas we will remember the speaking (or Stammering LOL) they will remember the event. Our friends, see us as a person, with Stammering as only one small part of what we are.
When I was at school, a boarding school (going there was a real nightmare as well), in addition to academic subjects, the school offered so many things to do, that they also built our characters. By the time I left school, I knew that I was more than my stammer. Yes my stammer was part of me, but it was only a small part. So I assumed when I left school that my friends saw me, as me, and my stammer if they thought of it, as just being part of me.

Your friends, knew you were more than your stammer before you did. But at least you have appreciated that now, and I am certain that will help you in later life. We PWSs who have appreciated this fact, must try to spread the word round to all other PWSs, especially those in India.

The message to all Indian PWSs, you are more than your stammer. If you talk to your friends about past events which you remember badly, your friends will not remember those events as you remember them at all. They see that your stammer is only part of you, and there is much more to you than your stammer!

Keep smiling and laughing

Post edited by: Keith, at: 2006/05/22 02:18 If you can help somebody as you pass along, then your living shall not be in vain.
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prem
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Re:Looking back at my schooldays - 2006/06/22 19:18 Dear Tanveer,

I also have lot of stories, in the past days, especially school days. Some time I asked God lot of quiries. But later on i came to know who am i to ask questions to God. Its Nature and I accept the challenge. But till now i some times fail to control on myself. The very next moment, i understood the secret of life. Like that the days are going on.

But our God is great. Surely He gives some special tallents, skills to us. That we have to find and utilize to lead the happy life.

Sincerely,

Prem Kumar
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